I'm scared shitless. Which is odd, because in a typical fight-or-flight scenario, animals defecate on-site to: a) literally throw their pursuer off the scent, and b) help them run faster, I guess.
But I digress; what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. Really. I wake up per the usual: groggy at first, and cheery within minutes-- but when the midnight oil burns, I find it difficult to fall asleep. My soul just won't let me; I can't shake this overwhelming sense of regret or fear. It's... haunting.
I'm scared that I'm not making the right career decisions. I'm scared my parents are going to die soon. I'm scared I'll get married to the wrong girl. I'm scared I'll never realize my full potential. I'm just fucking scared.
I understand these are completely baseless, and irrational fears, but that doesn't help to stop them from trampling through my head-- they even dare visit me when the sun shines high. And the only thing I can do to resist their ascendancy is to keep myself busy, but that's hardly the panacea I so desperately crave.
One can't preoccupy himself forever.
But I digress; what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. Really. I wake up per the usual: groggy at first, and cheery within minutes-- but when the midnight oil burns, I find it difficult to fall asleep. My soul just won't let me; I can't shake this overwhelming sense of regret or fear. It's... haunting.
I'm scared that I'm not making the right career decisions. I'm scared my parents are going to die soon. I'm scared I'll get married to the wrong girl. I'm scared I'll never realize my full potential. I'm just fucking scared.
I understand these are completely baseless, and irrational fears, but that doesn't help to stop them from trampling through my head-- they even dare visit me when the sun shines high. And the only thing I can do to resist their ascendancy is to keep myself busy, but that's hardly the panacea I so desperately crave.
One can't preoccupy himself forever.
15 comments:
shit i think were all scared!
I think we're approaching the quarter century crisis. I get pretty freaked out too. Any free moment is consumed by my irrational fears...and they're not too different from yours. I stress out so much during the day, that by 10 o'clock I'm exhausted and need to crash. So basically, the point of this ridiculously long comment is: you're not alone.:)
"There's only now,
There's only this.
Forget regret,
Or life is yours to miss."
"I'm scared that I'm not making the right career decisions. I'm scared my parents are going to die soon. I'm scared I'll get married to the wrong girl. I'm scared I'll never realize my full potential. I'm just fucking scared."
i go through the same thing once in a while. just keep your eyes on your goals and all that crap usually fades away. as far as marrying the wrong girl, i am absolutely terrified about that so i just never think about it. then again i guess i could just be like most of america and get a divorce.
but you and i, we stick to our words. forever means forever.
RFV, seems to me you got a pretty carefree life. I don't mean that in a deprecating way; it just seems like you've got the secret to enjoying life as it comes.
10 o'clock? Jackie O., you need to look at getting some stimulants... or a life. I'm joking, but not really!
Only a Xanga-er would say something like that, Carey.
Watch both of us get divorced and remarried thrice, Steve. You just jinxed us.
Painting reminds me of Christopher Walken.
I have a life!...One that requires me to get up 'round 5-6 am every morning. I know, I know; the solution to my problem is that I need to smoke crack.
I guess Munch would remind you of Christopher Walken, then.
Everything you're feeling, I'm feeling, too. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm terrified too James
Just the tip of the iceberg? What else could there be?
fear is like caffeine. it works every time. gives us jitters and an upset stomach. in small doses, it gives us the kick we need to perform, and ideally, make good decisions.
too much and it just ruins u. got to control it; it's totally fine to have it. i suppose in these moments u just have to trust the "gut." it's all u have to rely on. of course, it also helps to write it all out and look at it with some distance...
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